From time to time, I work with clients who are having a really difficult time leaving a home. Sometimes, it is a home that they have lived in for decades which holds a lot of precious memories. At other times, circumstances have changed; perhaps a job transfer which necessitate a move. It is a really difficult thing to be dealing with the normal stress of showings and a move and also wrestle with the fact that deep down inside...you're not really ready to leave...just yet.
Over the years as I've counselled with my clients, I've realised that there are a number of reasons why people struggle to let go of a dwelling...even when they know they must. One of the biggest issues is fear of the future and the unknown. Other times, it is the feeling that by leaving, they will be separated from special moments that were a part of this special space they call "home".
Here are a few simple suggestions that many of my clients have found very helpful.
Practical Solitude
Set aside some time to alone & quiet within your home...quiet your heart, be still. Turn off the TV, listen, hear and re-live special moments. Look, really look at your home the way you would look into the face of a dear friend. Relish the moments that have been shared, the laughter, the tears, the good times, the bad...Listen to hear things that may still need to be resolved. In the stillness you will hear this as well. Take note
Thanksgiving
Express gratitude outloud. Yes, these walls have heard a lot of things during your time within them. Why not your thanksgiving?
Thank out loud for the goodness & provision and shelter that your home has provided you. Thank out loud for the many friends and family members who have found solace, refuge and friendship within it's walls.
Thank out loud for the difficult lessons learned and the trials you survived. Thank out loud that you and this home exist...many homes and people no longer do. Thank out loud that your home will soon be transferred to new owners who will be the beneficiaries of the shelter your home has faithfully provided.
Release the Blessing of Peace
A final step is to release the blessing of peace. I suggest that you go through each room, thanking silently or audibly and then releasing God's peace into the space in preparation for the new owners. This can be a wonderful time to envision the blessings that you desire for the welfare of those who will purchase your home.
Different blessings can be released for different areas. For instance in the kitchen, you can release wholesome goodness in the food that is prepared & bless this center of life to be a place in which the family or individual experiences the joy of friendship and satisfaction. Remember we all reap what we sow. What you are doing for others will eventually be returned in some fashion back to you.
Many have found these few simple steps to be very helpful as they prepare to move. Even if it is not a difficult move emotionally, this process can be extraordinarily enriching.
Lola Audu, is the Designated Broker & Owner of Audu Real Estate. Our company specializes in helping people buy and sell homes in the greater Grand Rapids, West Michigan area. We've had the privilege of helping hundreds of clients succeed in their goals of purchasing and selling property including demonstrated success in the negotiation of Short Sale Transactions. You can contact us via e-mail @ info@auduhomes.com or by phone at 616-791-0511.
Long time ago, I read in a book that over a period of time our soul gets attached to a place where we live with invisible strings. When we leave, we feel pain inside because these strings start to tear...
Letting go is very difficult for me concerning things I feel have sentimental value. Reading this blog reminded me of the good times I had growing up in my home town. Thank you
Lola,
Lovely thoughts, thank you.
Last week I had the reverse experience. My client (who went through a divorce) said it was time to move on because her home "just wasn't loved any more". And the signs were very visual, yard had become over grown from neglect was just the first. It's interesting in so many ways how our homes are a reflection of our lives.
Lola - Great blog and wonderful advise. I pride myself on much of the same principals. Best wishes and thank you for sharing.
Desiree
Lola...
Well this is very nice. Not to mention the wonderful advice you give to people who are going through a stressful time. I'm beginning to think that you my dear are in the profession. You'd make one hellava good therapist :)
TLW...ROAR!
Lola, what a beautiful post. Many people are so attached to their homes and you have the perfect advice for them to get through a difficult time. Some people also believe a home won't sell if the seller is unable to "let go."
Vickie, Thanks for stopping by
Edite, Interesting observation. I remember watching a program in which Maya Angelou made observations along the same vein about how space is affected by different sorts of interactions.
Terry, Glad this brought back good memories! :)
Lynda, Thanks for the comment. I would strongly agree that often times you can tell much about what has gone on in a home through indications of the type of neglect you referred to. For a home buyer purchasing a property that has gone through this kind of sad process, these steps can also be "modified" by them to bring blessing into the transfer of ownership.
Anna & Stephen...Thanks for your comments. I hope this helps others as it has helped many whom I have been in contact with.
Therese, when a client is having a lot of trouble "letting go", giving them something like this to do can ease the pain in the process.
Desiree, that's great that you're doing this sort of thing! Blessings to you!
Dan, great counsel! I also encourage them to collect their memories in photgraphs. Different things work for different people I guess.
Therese, thanks for your comment.
George, Thank YOU for sharing. That was beautiful & I am especially touched by the fact that you have relationships with your clients that enable them to open up to you with such vulnerable honesty.
TLW, I think you've been reading my mail. :) Yesterday evening, I found myself at a benefit banquet for therapists who run a counselling service that's been in existence in Grand Rapids for more than 60 and provides services for Free or very little fees to many who cannot afford it. I did kind of wonder...just what I was doing there! On the other hand...don't want to spend another 4 years in school, so I'll stick to real estate. :)
Amen Michelle...Time to make NEW memories!
Thanks for your perspective Chris. As a professional real estate agent, I was once given the advise that we should move every so often just to remind ourselves of what our clients go through.
Carole, interesting perspective about how a seller's emotional unwillingness to release a home may impact the results of the transaction. There is still much to be learned about the impact our emotions exert on our lives.
Tonia, Thanks for your comment.