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Addictions...

What...who me?Addiction (n) defined as: The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something.

The book "A Beautiful Boy" was just featured on the Oprah show and selected for sale by Starbucks .  It's a story about the trauma of addiction in the life of family...primarily the painful relationship between a father and son.  I am reminded of an unusual list I made a couple of years ago after hearing a comment from a speaker that went something like this...

Addictions are far more pervasive than most of us would care to admit. They are not limited to what we traditionally refer to in the realm of drug and alcohol abuse.  Addictions relate to habitual compulsions, habitual destructive thought patterns and relational patterns which influence and control our lives in ways that are not healthy.  She mentioned some of the items below.  I found the concept so fascinating, I decided to continue the list.  Here's what what I came up with....

Well Documented Addictions...

  1. Caffeine Addiction
  2. Chocolate Addiction
  3. Smoking Addiction
  4. Alcohol Addiction
  5. Drug (Illegal & Prescription) Addiction
  6. Sex Addiction
  7. Gambling Addiction
  8. Over-Eating/Anorexia/Binge Eating
  9. Shop Lifting Addiction
  10. Sugar Addiction
  11. Co-Dependency/Enabler Addiction

Less Famous Common Addictions...

  1. Slave to Fashion Addictions
  2. The Need to Be Right
  3. The Need to Win
  4. The Need to Please
  5. The Need to be Admired
  6. The Need to feel Superior
  7. The Need to be in Control
  8. The Need to hold Grudges
  9. The Need to Hate
  10. The Need to Create Enemies 
  11. The Need to Lie 
  12. The Need to Gossip
  13. The Need to Know... 
  14. The Need to Talk Excessively
  15. The Anger Addiction
  16. The Excessive Shopping Addiction
  17. The Worry Addiction
  18. Excessive, Compulsive TV/Media Addiction
  19. The Need to Avoid Confrontation
  20. The Need to Interrupt
  21. The Need to Have the Last Word 
  22. The Need to Fit In
  23. Addiction to Unhealthy Relationships
  24. Addiction to Competition
  25. Envy/Jealousy Addiction
  26. The Fear of Failure Addiction
  27. The Fear of Aging Addiction
  28. The Addiction to Sabotage
  29. The Addiction to Being the Center of Attention
  30. The Addiction to Ignoring the Truth
  31. The Addiction to Fantasy
  32. The Addiction to Blogging *an addition to the original list.
  33. The Obsession with Being Connected 24/7 *an addition to the original list
  34. The Adrenaline Addiction *an addition to the original list

So, What do you think?  Did I cover them all...or do some additional ones come to mind? One of the issues which is most sobering in the memoir is the way in which the father chose to ignore signs in his son and habits in himself until the situation became an irreversible nightmare. 

As I look at the second list, I wonder if many of us inadvertently are doing the same thing.  Just because these things won't land you in jail does not mean that they are not having a hugely, negative impact in the quality of our lives and relationships when we become enslaved to them.  Food for thought...

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Lola Audu, CRS, GRI e-Pro ~ Audu Real Estate

Lola Audu, is the Designated Broker & Owner of Audu Real Estate.  Our company specializes in helping people buy and sell homes in the greater Grand Rapids, West Michigan area.  We've had the privilege of helping hundreds of clients succeed in their goals of purchasing and selling property including demonstrated success in the negotiation of Short Sale Transactions. You can contact us via e-mail @ info@auduhomes.com or by phone at 616-791-0511. 

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36 comments • Lola Audu~Real Estate Broker/Owner Grand Rapids, Michigan Real Estate • April 12 2008 09:29PM

Comments

I am addicted to my email.....does that count?
Posted by Scott Benson (Geneva Real Estate and Finance) over 2 years ago
Scott...with Blackberry's & Treos and other electronic gadgets that we freak out about if we loose or misplace them...I'd say Yes.  I'm adding it. :)
Posted by Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate over 2 years ago
I suppose addicted to working with Buyers who we know are not serious could be one.   Your List however was rather extensive and looked complete.   I just am afraid of how many I qualify for.
Posted by Glenda and Steven McDaniel (Long and Foster Smith Mountain Lake Office) over 2 years ago
Glenda, Truth be told...most of us could find refuge in several categories.
Posted by Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate over 2 years ago
Number 11 of the original list was my addiction for many years....of course a lot of the second list and a couple in the original went right along with it. Changing my pattern of thinking and practicing every day through every situation changed  that long standing belief system,......learned from my mother. That's okay....i'm on a roll now!  The ability to identify and being aware is the key to my success in changing all the crap around.... Put it this way.....anything that is in excess and out of balance for me ....becomes an addiction....  now I better get off :)
Posted by Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman HAWAII Relocations & Real Estate (Century 21 Liberty Homes) over 2 years ago
Wow, interesting post.  Really makes you think. Oh ya and I am all over the less than commen ones. Hmmmm #4, 19, 21, 26, 27 , yep thats me!
Posted by Nancy Kent, RE/MAX Hill & Valley, Western Mass (RE/MAX Hill & Valley) over 2 years ago
Hi Lola, What a superb post. The first 10 were the easy ones and the rest are the daily addictions that in one way or another affect most of us. As we recognize them and overcome them, lest we replace with yet another one, it is a freeing cycle that enables us to grow. I have had a few in my day and didn't even realize they were addictions. Now, I am so aware and If anything I may over fear becoming addicted. That one is however a voluntary choice I make to keep my life orderly, loving , forgiving and worthwhile. When ever I feel down, I discover the best cure is to find someone in need and eradicate it. Now that feeling is addicting. Then I pray for humility and those prayers get readily answered. It's a cycle but one that seems to be work and be worthwhile. A great post, congratulations, you really rung my bell. Thank You.
Posted by San Diego Real Estate Voice authored by William Johnson GRI CRS e-Pro CDPE (RE/MAX Associates) over 2 years ago
Lola, I love this post and I'm going to order the book, I've dealt with a few this year in my kids, all doing better now, but the stress on a family is horrendous. Me I have to have my coffee, took a stress test this week and couldn't drink it for 12 hours before, and the test was at 2:00. First thing I did was go buy a cup of coffee when I left
Posted by Missy Caulk-Ann Arbor- Realtor(R)- Ann Arbor Real Estate (Keller Williams-Ann Arbor) over 2 years ago

Lola,

Thankfully, you only missed one...the need to come up with a complete list of addictions!!! LOL Thanks,   Fran

Oops! How about the need to see the lighter side of things!!!

Posted by Fran 'The Title Man' Gaspari Title Insurance-PA & NJ (Patriot Land Transfer, Inc.) over 2 years ago

Lola~ 

Well...I am addicted to LIFE!!..I guess that doesn't count. How about planting corn in the spring and checking to see the progress EVERY DAY throughout the growing season? Nope? OK...It's very hard for me to take a map along when I'm going to rural locations. I am addicted to the FUN of getting lost.

 

Seriously,  how about adding being addicted to adrenalin...Without the discipline of pacing one's self, the roller-coaster ride of real estate transactions can put a person right there in a big hurry....

Posted by Asheville NC Real Estate- Homes on the Green Side over 2 years ago
Lola, this list hits very close to home for me and my family.  With OCD, perfectionism and even alcohol it has manifested itself in many ways.  I honestly am struggling with 32 and 33.  I went to visit my daughter and tried to keep up but finally took two days off...didn't even turn on my computer.  I am embarrassed to say it was very hard to do.  I actually feel guilty if I don't write and comment every day.  I love your new look!
Posted by Lake Norman Real Estate ~ Diane Aurit (LKN Realty, LLC) over 2 years ago
It's official. EVERYONE is addicted to something. I already know I'm slightly OCD and struggle with finding balance in several areas. But if we were perfect, we wouldn't rely on God!
Posted by Lisa Hill (Daytona Beach Real Estate) (Florida Property Experts) over 2 years ago
Lola, I very much enjoyed your second list. Things often overlooked. Blogging addiction can be healthy if it doesn't eat up too much of your time. Much communication and education there. I have heard of church addiction too where people spend way too much of their lives wrapped up in that. A very good topic for us all. I think we can so easily be dysfunctional in much of our lives.
Posted by Gary Woltal - Associate Broker REALTOR® Dallas Ft. Worth (Keller Williams Realty) over 2 years ago
I think we can sense when one of our interests crosses the line into addiction. We may deny how dependent we have become, but the nagging knowledge of addiction does not go away.
Posted by Rosario Lewis, GRI ~ DDR Realty, Orange County, NY (DDR Realty) over 2 years ago
Lola, Interesting list. Just wondering if there are some really "good for you" addictions...
Posted by HomeRome Realty Author:Real Estate the Rome Way 410-530-2400 over 2 years ago
Lola- This is very true, anything that is overdone for a long period of time may be an addiction if it is not healthy or it hurts those around you when you do it. All of these come down to a lack of self acceptance. I gave you some link love in my 200,000 point post tonight. 
Posted by Nestor & Katerina Gasset Realtors® Wellington Florida Luxury Homes (International Properties and Investments, Inc.) over 2 years ago
Lola, great list. I agree with Nestor and Katerina Gasset's comments above.
Posted by GITA BANTWAL, REALTOR BUCKS COUNTY, PA HOMES (ReMax Centre Realtors) over 2 years ago
well my husband has a fishing addiction.  I have a work addiction.  I feel like I must always be working alot of the time or I feel guilty. 
Posted by n d (Naoma Doriguzzi) over 2 years ago
Does anyone truly overcome the need to blog? Hmmm..... Those are all great. And it's true we don't typically think of them as addictions.
Posted by Christy Powers - Pooler, Savannah Real Estate Agent (Keller Williams Coastal Area Partners) over 2 years ago
Sally, you hit the nail on the head with this comment..."Anything that is in excess and out of balance" stands in danger of becoming an unhealthy obsession.  Now, I do believe in passion and exuberant joy...these enhance life, the difference is that the latter ultimately depletes it.
Posted by Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate over 2 years ago
Nancy...Thanks for stopping by.  Appreciate your comment & honesty.
Posted by Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate over 2 years ago
William, Thank you so much for your insightful comment.  I appreciate your words regarding humility.  The grace of humility does have a way of protecting us from all sorts of excess...addictions included.  I am grateful that this post was of benefit to you.
Posted by Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate over 2 years ago
Missy, Thanks for stopping by.  I think that dealing with pain in those we love, particularly children is one of the most daunting challenges in life.  From watching the program, the book looks like it would be worthwhile reading.  The son also wrote a book called Tweak from his perspective. This exercise places addiction in a little different perspective.
Posted by Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate over 2 years ago
Fran...LOL...thanks for inserting some much needed comic relief! :)
Posted by Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate over 2 years ago

janeAnne...Oh boy!  Addiction to Adrenaline is a big one!  Thanks for reminding me about that one.  I'm adding it to the list.  The amount of stress that that one hormonal addiction brings to our lives is huge!

On a better note...Thank God for a healthy love of life and nature. You are a wonderful example of loving others, life and our world. :)

Posted by Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate over 2 years ago

Diane, Thank you for your comment.  One of the most important choices I've made over the past 6 months was to not blog on Sundays.  Jeff Turner was instrumental in leading the way for me by his example. 

I have discovered though that simply not blogging does not mean that you STOP thinking about blogging...that requires a deeper level of commitment.  One of the saddest elements of the online world is the misguided notion of intrinsically believing that virtual reality defines anything or anybody.

Being connected 24/7 online requires in some ways being disconnected from something else...It's prudent to consider the trade-off and whether it's worthwhile.

Posted by Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate over 2 years ago
AMEN...AMEN Lisa!  God never intends to "incidental" in our lives...our thinking that somehow we can make Him so must be somewhat humorous to Him...I think. :)
Posted by Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate over 2 years ago

Gary, your comment about being addicted to church/religion is very interesting.  Religious fanaticism of all varieties has created a lot of chaos in the world.  There are so many things that are wonderful gifts in our lives...blogging included.  It's when they become a obsessive, compulsive activity which we cannot control and that impacts our lives in negative ways that we have to be pay attention. 

I think many of the items on the second list are things that we do everyday and which are impacting and hurting ourselves and others.  We don't recognize how destructive these "acceptable addictions" really are...

Posted by Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate over 2 years ago
Rosario...I think that part of the answer is in the definition at the beginning of this post..."habitual, and compulsive action...it's the difference of being controlled vs being in control.  Sometimes, that's a mighty fine line to discern and an easy one to cross...
Posted by Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate over 2 years ago
Margaret...Hmm...Great question!  I'm thinking that it's the compulsiveness that transforms the issue into something destructive.  For instance, there's nothing wrong with enjoying chocolate, but when it becomes something which controls our actions and which is necessary as a compulsion, it's no longer a healthy desire.  In a sense, an addiction even to something as powerful as Love can become destructive...There is a distortion of the essential nature of anything when the compulsive, habitual component is dominant, I think.
Posted by Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate over 2 years ago
Katerina, Thank you for your comment.  Congratulations on your accomplishment in Blogging.  I appreciate your visits and your mentioning this post in your blog. 
Posted by Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate over 2 years ago

Gita...Thanks for stopping here to read and comment

Christy...Appreciate your comment.

Naoma...Addiction to work is actually quite common...

Posted by Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate over 2 years ago
Lola, thank you for your thoughtful reply.  Taking off on Sunday just may be exactly what I need!
Posted by Lake Norman Real Estate ~ Diane Aurit (LKN Realty, LLC) over 2 years ago
Lola - Well, I certainly have my addictions.  I won't come out with them until right before I run for political office though:-)  Seriously though, addictions can be dangerous and ruin lives...Moderation will forever be key in my book.
Posted by Jason Sardi, Pretty Fly for an Allentown Guy (None needed;)) over 2 years ago

Hi Lola...Your last comment, Food for thought, is definitely my addiction. 

You came up with a great list. 

Kathleen

Posted by Kathleen "Kate" Elim LAKE ANNA, VA Real Estate (DOCKSIDE REALTY) over 2 years ago

Lola,

That is an extensive list and good one, too. How about golf addiction? Often addicted people don't realize they are addicted until someone reminds them. And even then it's hard to admit.

Posted by Esko Kiuru over 2 years ago

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